Remove the Difficulty from Starting Over

Some people are blessed with not having to concern themselves with too much change in life. Everything has pretty much gone their way. Others might have gotten married and remained that way until one raised the question of divorce. Or one spouse lost another to accident or illness. Or the family lost a child. Maybe you lost a job. A new beginning for some followed a tumultuous life in one of the armed forces

 

Chess symbolizes the transforming of our mind.

 

where they served in a war-torn country with a possible loss of limb, brain damage, and fellow soldier, or the ability to return to a normal life without consistent medical care and or mental health treatment. Addiction is another issue that is touching families all over this country. How does one go forward from all of this? One learns to remove the difficulty from starting over! We learn to relish the opportunity. It is never too late, even when faced with a terminal illness.  Please do not infer that the above image means that life is only a game. Life is actually a series of games, plays, and choices to be made over and over. One day we lose and the next we win!

“It hurts, because we wanted a different outcome, but then we make it hurt even worse by creating a narrative around what happened. So, instead of creating that debilitating narrative, I think we’re better served realizing that now, we have an opportunity to pivot – to take our life in a different direction.”
Chris Hill

Going Forward

Start over with determination and courage.Yes! You can do it. You can take on a new and different armor by redefining yourself. So, you ask how? And no, it is not that simple. The first thing you have to do is to look at your situation as a definite opportunity for a new beginning and rejoice in that. Remember how it felt to get that job that was so important to you? That was the feeling of success! That feeling is always waiting for you especially when you fail at something.

Failure at anything is simply another opportunity for success. Yesterday you failed, perhaps through no fault of your own, and tomorrow you will achieve success. Remove all of that blame and guilt  and attach achievement to the situation. The next question is how am I going to go forward when quitting would be easier for me? Admit that you are

  • at an impasse.
  • going to put the past where it belongs.
  • ready to move forward and will use any help you can to get there.
  • sad for now but that you will get over it.

How to Move Forward

Death

Death is different to each person, and it is almost impossible to accept one person’s instructions on how to deal with it. Your relationship with the individual largely determines this. Most of us have friends and other family members who have been in this situation,  and these are the ones we are most likely to turn to. Very often, they think that they have all of the answers. Unfortunately, well-meaning people think they know what you are going through. Some ways to avoid this are:

  • If you do have a friend or relative who listens without giving a lot of advice, that would be a good person to speak to.
  • If you are a religious person, get some recommendations for pastors or other church leaders to speak with.
  • Seek organizations that have a grief sharing meeting on a scheduled basis.
  • Seek counseling. Some counselors see clients individually and conduct a grief group.
  • Ideas are produced for starting over in journals.Audio books can be helpful and are much easier to listen to than to read.
  • Start a journal about your loved one. Define the relationship you had. If it was a great one, write why. Include some pictures of the two of you together. If not always a pleasant relationship, write about that as well, but add why you’re struggling with that. If you wish, write about all of those things you feel guilty about. When finished, you hopefully will want to ask yourself for forgiveness and let it all go, remembering only the good things. When you are tempted to revisit your guilt in this relationship, also revisit your request for forgiveness.

“Whoever said that loss gets easier with time was a liar. Here’s what really happens: The spaces between the times you miss them grow longer. Then, when you do remember to miss them again, it’s still with a stabbing pain to the heart. And you have guilt. Guilt because it’s been too long since you missed them last.”

Kristin O’Donnell Tubb, The 13th Sign

 

Downhearted following job loss. Move on with determination.Losing a Job

Whether it be because you had to quit or because you were fired, the results can be the same. Our identities can easily get wrapped up with our job sometimes. Losing a job can be similar to experiencing death; however, it can also be invigorating if you were having difficulties on the job. Regardless of the reason, try looking at it as an opportunity for starting over.

“There is something beautiful about a blank canvas, the nothingness of the beginning that is so simple and breathtakingly pure. It’s the paint that changes it’s meaning and the hand that creates the story. Every piece begins the same, but in the end they are all uniquely different.”

Piper Payne

Consider starting something new when looking for a job. Constructing a resume to include all the things you are capable of that can be applied to a workplace can be very helpful. Apply for as many as possible, even those that seem to be a stretch. Often, the job scenarios are standard and don’t really depict the position accurately. Look forward to the new you. Maybe it’s the person you always wanted to be. Maybe it is the fulfillment of a goal to be someone you would be happy to settle for now.

Fear runs our lives. It doesn’t matter who you are. You have to understand your relationship with fear. Whether you’re scared of getting into a relationship; or taking the new job; or a confrontation – you have to size fear up. Chris Pine

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Life After Traumatic Injury or Illness
If you learn that you have a terminal illness, take a close look at the many who have gone before you, especially those brave men in politics like John McCain, Ted Kennedy, etc. They fought a brave fight doing what they loved best, helping others. The following also faced death and did so with dignity, courage and resign: Elizabeth Edwards, Patrick Swayze, and Steve Jobs. And then there are those who are suffering from Huntington’s Disease, Parkinson’s Disease, and Alzheimer’s. You know who they are and you see them fighting. Most of these people had or have hope–the kind that hopes for the ability to make every day count in some way.

A comment from an NIH project report:

“I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and facing life as it comes to me. I don’t worry about dying. It’s coming and I just don’t want to rush it.”

Recovering from an illness or traumatic event is different. It becomes a matter of rediscovery, healing, acquiring new coping skills, and making huge adjustments. Your friends treat you differently sometimes. Please take a look at this short video for some perspective on what these people go through and learn how you might be helpful in their lives.

Summary

Most of us have faced some form of starting over in our lives for various reasons. And in no way should that be diminished. It happened, you have suffered, and the future is better than you think. Make it the most meaningful future for yourself and those around you. Be grateful for what you have had. If you are having problems now, look at your event as a blank slate, an opportunity to reinvent. Turn a sorrowful event into an enjoyable journey, improving your life and inspiring others. I did not cover divorce and addiction in this article but will address those in the future. My wish is that you will seek the help you need, whether it be from family, friends, organizations, church leaders, or mental health professionals.

“Sometimes life requires more of you than you have to give & demands you plunge into the reinvention of yourself if you truly wanna live.”

Curtis Tyrone Jones

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I would like to hear from my readers, find out if they were helped by this article, and learn about their experiences with starting over. Please use the comment section below for these things and to make suggestions to others on this important subject.


 

Why is Grandma Going Back to Work?

Whoa, you say?  Not all working women are grandmas.  Yes, and some never had children to care for.  But bear with me now.  Women everywhere, children or no children, are getting close to the age where they have some serious decisions to make.  Those who did not have children by far are the most likely to have saved their money for retirement, but even they could face circumstances they did not plan well for.   Some women are retiring, while others are going to work for the first time in their lives. There are many reasons why Grandma is going back to work!  You have already thought of some. And this raises all kinds of questions:  Will you be able to save enough money to last you? What unforeseen circumstances might occur that would eliminate your savings?  Are any of us ever prepared for the worst? And so on.  The list is endless.

Retirement comes early these days for women today who planned to retire at the age of 65. By some estimates they still have 30% of their lives to live.   Life expectancies differ for each of us.  Ask your doctor to help you with yours or for fun, complete the analysis on the life expectancy website.  In either event, remember that both are just estimates.

Life Insurance

Married women also face the unenviable fact that their husbands will likely die before they do.  Many husbands were thoughtful enough to have life insurance in place to help their wives with this, but more did not.  They have found that acquiring insurance at this stage of life is expensive, as the rates are based more on history. The average term life insurance policy on older men today does not meet the budget of those nearing retirement on a social security income.  Term life insurance payments increase every year and have an expiration date. Whole life insurance beginning at the age of 70 is for the rest of your life over a certain age, but the payments do not increase, and the policy can later be borrowed against. Some examples of average costs on men for term insurance:

  • Age 60 – $28.62/month
  • Age 69 – $67.60/month
  • Age 70 – $96.74/month
  • Age 75 – $151.29/month

 

For those women venturing toward work for the first time or returning after a long hiatus, there has got to be considerable fear. These women have the same amount of time to prepare for the rest of their lives but less time to earn it.  They may or may not have other financial support that could be dwindling.  Many think they just can’t do it.  It is hard to face interviews because regardless of equal opportunity, there is age discrimination.  Being a woman makes it more so, and being a woman of color definitely brings it on.  Yes, it still exists, and in many places, even though you may get a job, you may still face discrimination. As Oprah says below, “Think like a queen…”  In your own world you are a queen.  You are the queen of what you do and how you do it. And you are going to build that experience, ability, and enthusiasm into your resume.

 

Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another steppingstone to greatness. - Oprah Winfrey

Women Sometimes Lack the Necessary Education and Training 

College degrees are not necessary for getting a good job, but they do help.  Also helpful is having skills, whether it be on the job training or through technical schools.  Skills you once learned are often passe today.  Take journalism:  The actual writing hasn’t changed much, but take a look at the current day presentation! Who would have thought the use of newspapers would have declined like it has.  

Women are finding that it is easier to change careers than it used to be.  Yes, it is hard work, but it is definitely worth it.  It is always helpful to hone the skills you have or seek additional skills. You would be surprised at the number of scholarships available for technical training at the various technical schools or for college classes.  Online training and college courses are available also.  Look for on-the-job training.  The important thing to remember here is that you are never too old to accomplish what you want.

 

 Financial Problems in Older Families

Things are different now:  We hear of many families having to raise their children and grandchildren, some of whom also have children.  Grandparents are living with their children more often. These families are struggling.  Roughly five times as many married women or women with partners survive their husbands, who for the most part made more money than they did and had larger social security checks or retirement pensions. Unless their husbands planned well, taking unforeseen events under consideration and including good insurance policies, they will have less income when their husbands die.  If the wife or a single woman is left with only a single social security check, they are likely to have to struggle endlessly, depending on children who may or may not be able to help them.

Instead of looking at the past, I put myself ahead twenty years and try to look at what I need to do now in order to get there then –Diana Ross

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Women Are Looking for Fulfilment

It is never too late to go for the job that gives you the most satisfaction in life, whether it is taking care of children in a daycare facility or counseling people who are having problems in their lives.  This goes along with the theme of meaning and purpose previously discussed on this site.  Don’t forget about the volunteering possibilities in your area.  You will find them online and in the newspaper.

There are women like me who want to travel but lack the necessary funds to do so in retirement.  I will not bore you with why I am unprepared to travel long distances in my retirement, because in the end, it was my responsibility to protect myself, and I failed. On the other hand, I am happy to say that I have recovered from allowing myself to be victimized.  I believe in myself, and I hope to fulfill those dreams one day!  I want you to do the same.

Conclusion

Regardless of the reason for having or wanting to work, the very word “work” conjures up all kinds of issues:

  • Transportation costs, e.g., gas, parking, automobile cost plus insurance
  • Clothing and maintenance of
  • Transportation for any young children at home
  • Babysitting for young children or much older adults in the home
  • Education or training

Trust me, getting hired at our age (65+) is difficult to say the least, but aging women everywhere are working into their 70’s and beyond.  When I decided to get back into the workforce at the age of 60, I faced many problems:  I had been self-employed for 10 years in the antique business–NOT the best recent experience for a resume.  Before that, I had been involved in government contracting, a job I loved but did not want to return to for several reasons.  I knew how to type, file, run an office, etc. but got no job offers.  When I finally got a job, I worked at it for almost 10 years, earning a degree simultaneously during the last four.  The important thing is to put yourself forward.  Show a little self-confidence.  Don’t worry about those wrinkles. You earned them!

If you have not left your job, look into being able to do the same or a similar job on a part-time basis by suggesting that to your supervisors. Chances are they would be willing to advertise for another employee who would like very much to work the remaining hours on your shift.  The downside of this is usually a loss of benefits like health insurance.  Insurance might be a negotiable where you work.  On-the-job training for the same job is definitely a plus in your arguments for change.  Who is better qualified to train someone than the person performing the duties.

“Because you are women, people will force their thinking on you, their boundaries on you. They will tell you how to dress, how to behave, who you can meet and where you can go. Don’t live in the shadows of people’s judgement. Make your own choices in the light of your own wisdom.”      Amitabh Bachchan
                                                                                      Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/qu…

One of the better solutions for working is to do it at home.  There are many online jobs, some of which are outlined in a book entitled Work at Home Now.  The authors also offer suggestions for getting your supervisor to approve your doing a lot of the work you currently do at home on the computer.  It is not a big deal to network your computer with theirs.

Also, consider affiliate marketing as a possibility and read some of their amazing success stories.  Part II of this post will follow.

I would like to know if my article was helpful, or if my reader wants to offer advice to others or me.  Please use the Comments Section below for this. I will appreciate it.